donkeyballs | Reverie: IC Inbox

[ Not anyone. Just Amos. He doesn't reply to any of that, either, going straight for Alex saying he isn't a teenager, which makes Amos scoff. He raises an eyebrow, looking at Alex with an unimpressed look on his face. ]

You're sure you're not twelve, buddy? Because what I'm hearing is that you're in denial, you're finding excuses, you didn't communicate, and now you had a chance to come clean and be honest with her, and with yourself, and you didn't do that.

[ Amos looks on. ]

Does sound very mature to me.

[ Alex flashes him an annoyed look. ]

What exactly would you rather I do, Amos? It's not like I even wanted to do anythin', or say anythin', but I feel half out of my mind right now and I can barely think about somethin' without just doin' it.

I'm bein' honest. [ He's not. He doesn't really know it. ] But it ain't like she wants anything to do with this, anyway, even if I knew what the hell I wanted in the first place.

It isn't about me, Alex. I don't care, what you do. But don't pretend that you're being the better man right now. You're only lying because you're scared.

[ Amos shrugs. ] You're not being honest. If you were, you'd have taken that wedding ring off ages ago. You'd not be here telling me anything. If you were being honest, you'd actually tell Babs how you feel, and let her tell you how she feels.

[ It's funny, how this stuff wouldn't matter, back home. They wouldn't have the time to focus on any of it. But here... ]

You're assuming she doesn't want anything to do with you. You shouldn't assume.

[ He doesn't really know what to say, to any of it, though when Amos mentions the wedding ring, he starts fiddling with his ring finger, even without the band there. Trying to play with it, even though it's not on his finger. He swallows, looking away. ]

I don't know, Amos.

[ It's a lie. He knows Amos is right. Amos, despite what he thinks, has a tendency to be right in a good many situations. And his straightforward approach on the world is always something Alex has found helpful. They come at every problem from opposite angles, and when Amos says something like that, it's hard not to think that maybe the problem was simpler than he was making it.

He swallows. ]

You're wrong, though. I'd still tell you. [ Because he had a tendency to tell Amos almost everything. Because Amos helped him make sense of things. ]

But I --

It ain't exactly -

I don't know. I'll think about it.

[ Amos scoffs out a small laugh, before clamping a hand on Alex's shoulder, squeezing not too gently. ]

Yeah, you're deflecting again. That's not the part that matters.

[ He raises an eyebrow, looking on at Alex. ]

You ain't exactly what? Good enough? Don't give me that shit, I'll punch you.

It ain't just that. [ It's partly that, but he knows he doesn't have a good argument for it, and he doesn't want Amos to punch him. ]

It - Amos, the look on her face? It was awful.

I already had one relationship fail. I ain't exactly keen on feelin' that all over again, if I can help it.

[ Amos lets out a noise. He knows that feeling - that look. He's seen it before, more than once. ]

What if it doesn't fail?

[ Alex gave a slightly helpless sigh, looking at some vague point on the wall. ]

... You really think I'm even capable of that?

I feel like I set it up for failure before I even met her.

[ Amos shrugs. ]

I think so, yeah. I think you're capable of anything. You just have to believe in it.

[ Maybe it was just the way that the sleep deprivation and music was affecting his ability to process emotions, but the easy confidence in Amos's words made almost choke up - a rush of gratitude sweeping through him. He felt very touched. ]

... Thanks, Amos.

[ There was nothing but earnestness in his voice. ]

I'll - I'll think about it. I'll figure it out.

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