donkeyballs | Reverie: IC Inbox

[ Alex's door is open, he's on the floor with his sleeves rolled up as he scrubs away the stain of his "incident" that still remains there. The bed's already been stripped and the cleaned sheets are hanging on a makeshift line to dry. He's been busy.

Still over the comm, he says: ]

She told Amos and me tonight. Thought there was somethin' weird goin' on after Ashford got here, but I didn't - - God damn it, Miller --

Yeah, she has been cagey since then. [ miller agrees, the last thing he says over his comm before strolling through the open door. he shrugs at the sight, but immediately looks for a spare rag to help alex and sits down across from him to work on the other side of the stain. ] You feel betrayed. [ he sounds neutral, it's just an assessment, not a judgment on whether or not alex should be or not. ]

Damn right I do. [ His words are sharp, and bitter. ]

We agreed, as a group, to destroy it. I thought we should give it to Mars - hell, I practically begged 'em - but they all voted me down. And good damn thing they did, too, after we saw what Mars did with it, later.

But did you see me sneakin' around to save the god damn thing just to send it off to Mars later? No. You damn well did not.

[ You as in the plural you. Sorry Miller, he knows you were dead by then. He's just mad. ]

Edited (wrong icon) 2018-07-17 02:00 (UTC)

[ he nods, looking down at the floor while he lets the other man's rage wash over him. ]

You think Johnson will do something like that with it? [ miller doesn't exactly trust fred, but he respects him. he doesn't see him using the protomolecule at all, unless it was the only option. ]

I thought Mars would do the right thing, and instead they made fuckin' hybrids with the stuff, and nearly sacrificed Gunny to prove that they were a worthy investment.

I wouldn't trust a single soul in the system to be within ten thousand clicks of the stuff, right now, whatever 'good intentions' they might have.

That's probably the right opinion to have. [ it's just that - well, he's dead. he doesn't get one. ] Did she tell you just to preempt Ashford spilling the beans, you think? Or did she wanna come clean?

She went two god damn months on this station without botherin' to tell us, Miller.

What do you think.

[ He's not bitter, at all... ]

[ he has a - you could call it a bias, a blindspot, maybe - when it comes to naomi. but even he has to admit it looks bad for her. ]

Some Belters... can't really be loyal to anyone but the Belt. [ he looks up at alex, empathy for the other man there. maybe ashford was right. ] You can take the girl outta the OPA...

There ain't any god damn Belt here, Miller. [ He snapped it, a little too harshly, and then immediately felt guilty about it, turning a slight shade of green. ]

Just like there ain't any Mars.

There's just us. And I don't know what the hell was goin' through Naomi's head, that she thought it would be better to keep it from us than just to god damn tell us.

[ he nods, not reacting to the snap. alex is right, again. ]

She was scared you'd be upset. Which you are. She doesn't want to damage what she has here. [ he's not defending naomi, not exactly. it just makes sense self-preservation wise why she wouldn't tell them until she had to. ] Especially since there's no Fred or protomolecule or any recourse here. I'm not defending her, but once you're done getting mad what are you gonna do? Space her?

[ he knows alex. he'll kiss and make up like always. ]

Of course I ain't gonna space her. [ He sounded honestly hurt, at the suggestion. ]

And of course I'm damn well upset. But she coulda told me at any time and she didn't, 'cause she was what - afraid of me? Or of Amos? How the hell's that any better?

How am I 'sposed to trust her when it doesn't seem to matter a god damn mark what the hell I think, if she can just go ahead and override it without even givin' me so much as a "by your leave"? She gonna tell me, the next time she decides she knows better than all of us?

[ miller just listens, turning his attention back to cleaning though every word is carefully accounted for. ]

I can't really answer any of those questions since I ain't Naomi, but... As someone who went against the group and got kicked out, I can tell you it sucks from the other side too.

[ He feels it like a gut punch, and goes quiet for a while, scrubbing at the floor uselessly in the same spot over and over again. ]

... I ain't about to kick her out. [ He sounded grumpy, and he didn't raise his eyes. ]

I know just how much I still got left, and I can count all of you on one hand.

I'm furious with her, and I don't know how the hell I'm gonna look at her the same, but we're all in this together, and we ain't in a position to leave anyone behind.

I just don't understand it.

[ miller nods, sitting back on his seat to listen, rag still clutched in his hand as he bars his arms across his legs. ]

Maybe there's nothing to understand, ke? She did what she thought was right and she should've told you. Should've consulted the band of Merry Men, right? But she can't go back and change that either. This is her way of making it right.

As right as anything can be here. [ he sighs, then wiggles the fingers on his free hands in his usual spooky gesture. ] That's about all this ghost has got for advice, pal. I'm all tapped out.

I just - I trusted her, Miller. That's all it comes down to. When it was just us here, she coulda told me to do anythin', and I'd do it. She's second in command, as far as I'm concerned.

[ He stared down at the stain sadly, looking exhausted and dejected, not even bothering to scrub anymore. ]

This ain't makin' it right, Miller, this is her tellin' me before someone else could. And how am I supposed to know if she ain't just gonna keep doin' that, and keep me in the dark?

[ he lets a long pause lapse between them, still sitting back, and shrugs a shoulder. ]

You don't know. That's how trust works, partner. Only you know if it's broke for good or if you have it in you to try again.

[ these people are making him into a goddamn cereal box and he hates it ]

[ He let out a hard breath, unconvinced. Not because he thought Miller was wrong, but because he knew he was right, and he wasn't sure he was going to be able to make that call. ]

Yeah, well.

Maybe when I stop seein' red I can figure that the hell out.

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