donkeyballs | Reverie: IC Inbox

[ It only took one look at Alex for Amos to know he was handling things much better. This - the music - is definitely wearing thin, but he's not felt quite as wild as some people he's seen. He wants to claw his ears off regularly and he wants to sleep, but he feels like this isn't any worse than some stuff they've gone through before. ]

Uh, yeah, I'm pretty sure I am.

[ So he sits next to Alex, legs bent and forearms resting on them. ]

What happened?

[ He sighs, rubbing his face with his palm as if that will clear his head. It doesn't. It just means he gets even more tired, for having his eyes close for that split second. ]

I-- Gunny kissed me. [ His tone does not make it clear if this is a good or a bad thing. ] Or I kissed Gunny. I don't know.

[ Holy shit. That is definitely something, especially considering that it feels to Amos like Alex and Bobbie have been dancing around that particular one since they met on the station. But Alex doesn't look elated, or anything. He looks confused. ]

Why are you not jumping for joy? Singing your shitty country from the top of your lungs on the obs deck?

[ He gave Amos a bit of a look, because come on, his country was good, but even that faltered a little miserably. ]

'Cause I'm pretty damn sure I fucked it right the hell up, Amos. She really didn't sound happy, afterwards. Asked me if it was all about Talissa.

Well, was it?

[ No need to beat around the bush. Is it about Talissa, or is it about Gunny? ]

And if it isn't, did you tell Babs? Did you tell her it's about her, and that you like her?

[ Amos doesn't say much, but he sees a lot. And he knows Alex. He's not fooled by Alex's blustering and talk of his marriage. They've had that conversation before, after all. ]

No. I don't think it was.

[ It was a lot easier to admit that to Amos. They'd had this conversation a few times. ]

I - Wait, Babs? [ That was weird enough to get a look. When did anyone start calling her Babs? He gets over it a second later, though, shaking his head to clear it. ]

I ain't twelve, Amos. I-- yeah. She knows that I- that I've been - well, whatever the hell this is - for a little while now. She accused me of hidin' it, but I - yeah, I guess I was hidin' it, but for pretty damn good reason, right? Things are awkward as all hell, now.

[ Not anyone. Just Amos. He doesn't reply to any of that, either, going straight for Alex saying he isn't a teenager, which makes Amos scoff. He raises an eyebrow, looking at Alex with an unimpressed look on his face. ]

You're sure you're not twelve, buddy? Because what I'm hearing is that you're in denial, you're finding excuses, you didn't communicate, and now you had a chance to come clean and be honest with her, and with yourself, and you didn't do that.

[ Amos looks on. ]

Does sound very mature to me.

[ Alex flashes him an annoyed look. ]

What exactly would you rather I do, Amos? It's not like I even wanted to do anythin', or say anythin', but I feel half out of my mind right now and I can barely think about somethin' without just doin' it.

I'm bein' honest. [ He's not. He doesn't really know it. ] But it ain't like she wants anything to do with this, anyway, even if I knew what the hell I wanted in the first place.

It isn't about me, Alex. I don't care, what you do. But don't pretend that you're being the better man right now. You're only lying because you're scared.

[ Amos shrugs. ] You're not being honest. If you were, you'd have taken that wedding ring off ages ago. You'd not be here telling me anything. If you were being honest, you'd actually tell Babs how you feel, and let her tell you how she feels.

[ It's funny, how this stuff wouldn't matter, back home. They wouldn't have the time to focus on any of it. But here... ]

You're assuming she doesn't want anything to do with you. You shouldn't assume.

[ He doesn't really know what to say, to any of it, though when Amos mentions the wedding ring, he starts fiddling with his ring finger, even without the band there. Trying to play with it, even though it's not on his finger. He swallows, looking away. ]

I don't know, Amos.

[ It's a lie. He knows Amos is right. Amos, despite what he thinks, has a tendency to be right in a good many situations. And his straightforward approach on the world is always something Alex has found helpful. They come at every problem from opposite angles, and when Amos says something like that, it's hard not to think that maybe the problem was simpler than he was making it.

He swallows. ]

You're wrong, though. I'd still tell you. [ Because he had a tendency to tell Amos almost everything. Because Amos helped him make sense of things. ]

But I --

It ain't exactly -

I don't know. I'll think about it.

[ Amos scoffs out a small laugh, before clamping a hand on Alex's shoulder, squeezing not too gently. ]

Yeah, you're deflecting again. That's not the part that matters.

[ He raises an eyebrow, looking on at Alex. ]

You ain't exactly what? Good enough? Don't give me that shit, I'll punch you.

It ain't just that. [ It's partly that, but he knows he doesn't have a good argument for it, and he doesn't want Amos to punch him. ]

It - Amos, the look on her face? It was awful.

I already had one relationship fail. I ain't exactly keen on feelin' that all over again, if I can help it.

[ Amos lets out a noise. He knows that feeling - that look. He's seen it before, more than once. ]

What if it doesn't fail?

[ Alex gave a slightly helpless sigh, looking at some vague point on the wall. ]

... You really think I'm even capable of that?

I feel like I set it up for failure before I even met her.

[ Amos shrugs. ]

I think so, yeah. I think you're capable of anything. You just have to believe in it.

[ Maybe it was just the way that the sleep deprivation and music was affecting his ability to process emotions, but the easy confidence in Amos's words made almost choke up - a rush of gratitude sweeping through him. He felt very touched. ]

... Thanks, Amos.

[ There was nothing but earnestness in his voice. ]

I'll - I'll think about it. I'll figure it out.

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