donkeyballs | Reverie: IC Inbox

[She nods, weighing that.]

I don't think I've ever seen you this upset before.

[Which might not be saying much, considering the short amount of time they've known each other, but she's trying to understand why Amos getting angry has made Alex this angry when he'd always struck her as the type to stay calm and mediate.]

[ He lets a breath out through his nose, then drops his gaze and grunts a little. ]

Amos is like a brother to me. [Matter-of-factly] But damn if it don't mean he knows just how to press my buttons when he wants to.

He gets this - this idea in his head that I'm somethin' he needs to protect - as if I ain't perfectly capable of taking care of my own damn self and him.

[Yeah, that would drive her nuts, too. Bobbie thinks she gets it, even though she doesn't know Amos very well.]

Yeah? Why's that? Is he like that with everyone?

[ He shook his head. ]

No. He certainly ain't like that with everyone. Pretty sure most people he don't even give a damn about. He just--

[ He rubbed at the back of his neck with his good hand. ]

Look, there's no point talkin' in the doorway. You might as well come in.

[Yeah, she might as well. Bobbie steps inside, slipping past him, and then just shoots him a curious look, waiting for him to continue.]

[ He presses the button on the console and the door slides shut, before he turns away with a sigh and takes a seat on the edge of the bed. ]

He thinks there are three types of people. Bad people, who he ain't got any qualms about shooting; people you follow, like Naomi and Holden; and people you protect. Told me point blank, once, that I fell solidly into the final category. But I've saved his ass just as often as he's saved mine. Hell, I - I let 25 people die, just to save him. I thought we'd sorted that out already.

[She crosses her arms, head tilting as she considers that. It's easy to tell that something with Amos is... off. That "apology" to Alex with the flag is proof enough of that, but this is new insight she isn't expecting. Well... insight might be a stretch, honestly. Bobbie's not entirely sure how to take it.]

So you're sick of people coddling you, and Amos is the worst of the crew?

[That's what she's assuming, anyway, based on his reaction to her and Frank.]

We should be equals. [ He mutters it, almost bitter, but there's a sadness to it, too. Because he thought they had been.

But the word coward rattled in his head again and he grimaced. ]

It's fine. I wouldn't be half so worked up about it if I had something to god damn do.

Cabin fever?

[She's feeling it too, but something tells her that isn't entirely what this is.]

Why does he think that way? Shuffling people into such narrow categories?

[ He shrugged, helplessly. ]

Wish I knew. Think he just has a hard time figurin' things out, sometimes. He ain't stupid - trust me - he just...

[ He trails off, frowning at the ground. ]

I can't always follow it. The way he thinks. But other times, it's like - I know exactly where he is, and where he's comin' from, and I'm right there with him - but then suddenly something shifts and I have no idea where his head's at.

... Damn glad we found Prax, though. Think we might have lost 'im, otherwise.

Edited 2018-06-05 18:54 (UTC)

[Bobbie's mind wasn't going towards stupid, more like... rigid. When Alex mentions Prax, though, it pulls her up short.]

Lost Amos?

[She frowns too, head tilting slightly. She hadn't had much chance to see Amos and Prax interact on the Roci, and she's had even less chance here.]

Why do you say that?

[ He should his head, wondering at it. ]

Somethin' weird happened to him, when we're were docked at Tycho. Or he was just actin' real weird. A lot of shit went down but - it was almost like he was tryna... Lose himself in it, I guess.

[ A pause. ]

Then we got Prax, and it was like he started to give a shit again. Not - not just for Prax, though. For everybody.

So do you think it was Prax, or do you think it was something else?

Well, I don't know. Things got a little crazy after that, so it could have been a lot of things. But still - -

I think it was Prax. Or I guess - or I guess Mei, maybe. Amos gave me shit about not bein' there for Mel-- for my family. Maybe Prax tryin' to find Mei meant somethin' to him.

[ He felt suddenly very uncomfortable in his own skin, the same way he always did when anything made him think about his family and the choices he'd made, when it came to them. Like he just wanted to squirm right into the floor and escape.

Hah. Escape.

God damn but he couldn't stand himself sometimes. He cleared his throat. ]

Anyway, whether it was Prax or not, who knows. But I think it was. He's a good man, and Amos takes to good people. Like Naomi and Holden.

Edited 2018-06-08 01:37 (UTC)

[Bobbie just listens, absorbing that. She's not entirely sure what to say about his family. Really, she's not sure she knows the whole story, but first, she needs to correct something—]

And you. He's taken to you, too.

[Anyway.]

Saving a kid from something like that would mean something to anyone, yeah?

[ He doesn't say anything to the correction. He wants to be a good man. He's trying to be a good man. But he didn't even try to save anyone on Eros and his family still think he died a hero.

Or they did. They did think he died a hero. He wished he knew exactly what had been said, when they found out he didn't. But he also didn't want to know at all.

He pushed the thought away hard, and focused on the second question, nodding. ]

Yeah. I mean, you'd think so. But there were kids on Eros same as there were on Ganymede, so I have no idea if that means that anyone really gives a shit anymore.

[ He was getting dark again, and he could feel it. The annoyance may be mostly gone, but everything else was still hanging heavy over him. ]

Edited 2018-06-08 01:47 (UTC)

[Bobbie's mouth twists as she tries to work it out, tries to figure out what Amos could be thinking. She doesn't know him well enough to say for certain.]

If you're wondering if the people who are working on the protomolecule give a shit, they don't.

[Her team is proof of that, just like Eros and the kids.]

You were trapped on Eros with thousands of other people, right? It would have been... harder for him to do anything. Mei is one girl, and you know where she is. Or maybe it is just something about Prax.

I know they don't. They give even less of a shit than you'd think. They've gotten something messed up in their heads - takes away any damn sense of empathy. Amos and Holden told me about it - somethin' about god damn magnets.

[ It's not the point. ]

He didn't want to do anythin'. Crew came first, he said. And when we were on Tycho, and there were all those refugees, and they needed help, he was just - hell, I don't even know. Whoring and fighting, are my best bet. Caught him with a bloodied lip, at one point.

Tried to get him to help out, but-- [ But he threw his family in his face and then nearly threw him down a stair case. Alex sighed. ]

... Doesn't matter. My point is, he changed after that. For the better. And I'm pretty sure it's Prax that did it.

[That's a hell of a lot to take in, and she decides to label it "a shitshow" and sort through it later.]

Maybe he did. Have you ever just... clicked with someone?

[ His eyes slid away, a frown on his face. Sure. He'd 'clicked' with people before. He'd clicked with Talissa - or at least he thought he'd had. Time had proven him wrong on that one.

Then he'd spent years on an ice hauler where everyone did their damn level best at not clicking with anyone.

Then the shitshow happened, he'd gained a family somehow, ended up here - and met Bobbie.

But something in his gut stopped him from saying 'you'. So instead he just found his eyes focusing on some scuff in the wall across the room.]

... Yeah. I have. So I get your point.

I'm just - glad he found him, I guess.

Yeah. Sounds like Prax has been good for him.

[And she's glad Amos has someone like that. There's a part of her that feels that way about Alex, but she shoves it aside. It's not the point, and she feels odd thinking it, let alone saying it.]

Does it... bug you? Everything else you were talking about, like the way he was acting on Tycho.

[ He let out a breath. ]

Yeah, it bugs me. But it ain't the same now. Back then I thought he didn't give a damn about anyone.

[ His eyes lowered. ]

And I told him that, too.

But I was wrong.

[Bobbie reaches out to squeeze his shoulder.]

I can't speak for everyone, but I don't think you're a fragile flower. And if I had to guess, I'd say they don't, either.

[ Hey swayed a little with it, not sure what to say. He was glad she didn't, but he really wasn't so sure about the rest of them, and he was still a little hyped up on adrenaline from the fight and a fresh coat of guilt and self loathing.

After a minute, though, he just nodded.]

... Thanks, Gunny.

[ There was nothing else to say. ]

Edited (wrong icon) 2018-06-08 02:56 (UTC)

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