donkeyballs | Reverie: IC Inbox

Is that what you're hoping for?

I don't know, Gunny. I just -

I know I ain't even gonna be there, you know? But that don't mean I never wanted to see them again, or - or talk to 'em again, or --

[ He swallowed, gripping his glass tightly. ]

I know.

[Bobbie sighs, letting her hand drop from his shoulder.]

We don't know how any of this works. There's still a chance you'll see them again.

[ His throat was tight and his eyes were hot but god dammit he was not gonna let this get the better of him. So he waited a few seconds until he knew his voice wasn't going to sound watery. ]

... At what point do we just... assume the worst? Because hell, I don't know how long I can keep just - half way grievin' and half way hopin'.

[That's... a fair question. It must be tearing him up, seesawing between the two.]

...I don't know.

[She can't give him an exact length of time, but it feels too early to her. They still don't even know how they got here.]

Let's grab Naomi later and head up to the command deck. Maybe we can figure something out, find some sort of clue. It might help.

[ And if they just gave up hope completely, it probably wouldn't help. It would just be another reason to give up caring if he got out of this, either. ]

... We can try. But I ain't... I ain't seen anythin' that's gonna help us, that way. No way to even tell where we are.

Figure our best bet is the hangar bay. If we can find a ship, there might be a map of the system, or - or somethin', anyway.

Then we'll get into the hanger bay and find you a ship. Maybe the Roci's there, too.

[ He was about to say 'damn, I hope so', when she said something very weird.

He frowned, blinking, and gave her a confused look. ]

The what?

[She stares back, clearly just as confused.]

The Rocinante?

[ u h . . . ?

Oh, wait, he's got this --]

That your ship?

[Oh, God. Dread settles in her chest.]

No, it's your ship. Holden's ship.

[Whatever.]

Corvette class, used to be the Tachi? You used it to escape the Donnager?

[She's looking for any flicker of recognition.]

[ He looks utterly baffled, but the bafflement starts turning into genuine worry. ]

Yeah, I remember escapin' the Donnager, but--

[ He went a little pale. ]

I, uh. I can't remember how. Or what on.

[Confusion shifts to genuine concern, and she studies him careful. Is this why he can't remember her, either? Are they all losing chunks of their memory?]

...What do you remember flying that whole time? What do you remember chasing Eros with?

[ He's getting paler by the second. ]

I - I don't know, it just ain't - it ain't there, but that don't make any sense, right? It couldn't have been the Knight? We don't even have a galley on the Knight, how could I have made lasagna--

[She doesn't know what the Knight is, but she's perfectly comfortable guessing it wouldn't compare to a state of the art Martian gunship.]

You don't even remember a ship called the Tachi? Remember someone mentioning it on the Donnie?

[She's grasping at straws here and she knows it. How could he remember everything else but the Roci?]

[ He shook his head, eyes glazing over slightly as he stared down into his cup. ]

I mean - Hell, gunny, I was half out of it after the Donnie got hit, anyway. We were losin' oxygen, didn't have enough for Amos and Naomi and me, so I took a sedative. [ He hadn't even known if he would wake up. ]

But I - I vaguely remember getting to the hangar bay. Tryin' to get across while bein' shot at, and Amos got hit in the leg -- But I don't --

Christ, it's like a black hole--

[Okay. Okay, this is freaking the hell out of her, but she can't show it. She doesn't want to make this worse on him.]

You don't remember anything about getting from place to place?

I remember- I remember doin' stuff. I think. I remember chasing after Eros-- [ He paused, broke off. ]

... No. No, I don't. I remember that we did it. But if I actually try to think about doin it, there's nothing there.

[God damn it.]

You don't remember how you did it? Nothing?

[ He shook his head, slowly, almost horrified. How could he forget something like that...?

He then looked up at her, the fear all too obviously etched into his features. ]

... I'm losin' it, aren't I, Gunny?

[His expression mirrors her feelings exactly, but she tries to keep her concern off of her face.]

I don't know the hell this station is doing to us, but you aren't losing it. Maybe it won't last.

[ He wants to believe her, he does. But after everything that's happened here - he feels like the station is just chipping away at his mind one piece at a time.

He shakes his head, slowly at first, then a little faster, before he pours himself another glass. Fuck this, man.

Fuck all of this. ]

[She can't even blame him.]

...This place really has it out for you, huh?

Pretty sure this place has it out for every god damn one of us, Gunny.

[ And he just tips back the whole drink in one go. ]

[Yeah, that's true. Bobbie's not sure sitting in a bar getting smashed is going to do much for his mood, so she swipes the bottle.]

Come on. Let's go to the observation deck.

[Might as well get wasted with a view.]

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