donkeyballs | Reverie: IC Inbox

it's probably not really something you'd want to read over text

Well, then I guess we better get somethin' to eat.

i'll head to the mess now [ even if he feels super incapable of eating anything honestly ]

I'll meet you there.

[ True to his word, he was there ten minutes later, though he wasn't actually interested in eating, either. It was just always the first thing he thought of, when something needed to happen, or needed to be said. Food made things easier. And after everything with Naomi... Well.

Public was good. ]

[ frank has a cup of coffee and is sat in a table far away from everyone else before alex can even walk in. he doesn't say anything, just waits for the other man to join him. he's so calm he's nearly sedate, only realizing he hadn't really seen alex since he regained his senses. god, he really does suck at this. ]

[ Alex spotted him, but made himself a cup of something hot as well, plus a plate of - well, they looked sort of like brownies - before heading over and sitting across from him. He gently pushed the plate between them, offering the not-exactly-baked goods to share. ]

Alright, Frank. [ His voice was gentle and quiet. ] What's this about?

[ frank ignores the offer, setting his coffee down after the long sip he'd taken during alex's approach. he meets the other man's eyes, still calm, the gaze of a man resigned. ]

I'm not who you think I am.

Think that might be a little melodramatic, Frank. [ He gives him a sympathetic look, before taking one of the squares for himself. ]

But if you're about to tell me that your real name ain't Frank either, then I gotta say I don't understand why everyone keeps thinkin' they need false names when they get here...

[ that gets a soft snort, though he's not really in a joking mood. he sort of lied about his name, but not that part. even he realized no one gives a fuck what your cool alias is in space. ]

My name's Frank Castle. But where I'm from they call me the Punisher.

[ if it sounds like a bad comic book, well... it is. don't ever read them. ]

The Punisher. [ He repeats it with a little in-credulousness, an eyebrow arching a bit. What was it with Earth and their weird nicknames?

Thinks the man who wanted to name his baby the Flying Alamo. ]

What exactly were you punishin'?

[ he leans forward a little, the grim determination set over his bruised face almost sinister in the bright light of the canteen. ]

Every last man who was involved in my family's murder.

[ Oh.

He let out a breath, pain and sympathy in his expression as he settled down further into his chair. This wasn't going to be a quick chat. ]

And when you say punishin'? [ A gentle question. ] I'm assumin' you aren't talkin' about turnin' 'em in.

[ frank fixes alex with his stare, he'd sat in this seat so many times and told the same story. the only difference is he cares what the man on the other side of the table thinks. when the hell did that happen? ]

One. I left one alive. He- he was my best friend. And he had my babies killed, Alex. Death was too swift for him.

[ his knuckles are white around the coffee cup, lip quivering. but he won't cry, not here. he doesn't want this to be a manipulation, he wants alex to draw his own conclusions about what kind of man frank is. ]

The man who just arrived... was my attorney. When I was up against 37 murders. Karen was his legal assistant.

[ Alex had known bravado. People who bragged about how bad ass they were, the fools they'd dealt with, the hard lives they'd had.

He'd known killers, too. Had witnessed it.

Had watched Amos shoot a man in the head, for even thinking about hurting Naomi.

And he'd slept perfectly fine, that night. Not like the times he'd gotten innocent people killed, just because they weren't his family. (Was it worse, to let 20 innocent people die to save one you cared about; or to kill thirty seven guilty men?)

He didn't know. Just like he didn't know how to feel, at all, as he raised the hand to his mouth, fingers sliding over to cover it as if that somehow made it easier to think.

It didn't. ]

Jesus Christ, Frank.

[ It was a very quiet statement, though the tone was not condemning. It was closer to shock, and sympathy, than it was to disgust. ]

[ his guts twist at the turmoil the other man is clearly in. but it's his fault, so he can't comfort him this time. frank just shakes his head. ]

Yeah. Not really relevant. [ jesus, that is. ]

[ It's more simply just words, to him, than any real meaning behind them. The religion soaked into the language without actually reaching the rest of him. It didn't matter.

He scrubbed his mouth with his hand, his eyes sliding away.

He'd known bravado, and this wasn't it. There was something, though. Something important, a tie that had been left in that he could grasp that didn't force him to try to weigh the lives of strangers. ]

... Is that how you met her? Karen, I mean?

[ frank nods, sitting back in his chair and reluctantly letting go of his cup. it's long since chilled anyway. ]

Yeah. She helped me.

[ not legally... that didn't matter anymore. maybe it didn't even matter then. it's too complicated to explain really, all the ins and outs of the case and the hearing and breaking out of prison... ]

She helped me remember them, my family. And... myself.

[ He went silent again, head turning to face out across the mess hall, though it was fairly sparse.

It was important. She still cared about him, even meeting him at what sounded like his worst. Frank was no psychopath - he cared too much, loved too much. There was none of Cortezar's or Dresden's cold calculation and dismissal.

He'd watched Amos kill a man, and if someone had actually hurt Naomi, he had no doubt he would have watched him kill a lot more.

He tried to tried to think about his best friend arranging for Melas to be killed, and his heart clenched painfully. Finally, after too long a silence, he continued. ]

I ain't... I ain't here to judge you, Frank. [ Gently. ]

[ he releases some of the tension in his frame, letting out a steady breath and turning his head. the briefest glimmer of a smile flickers before it's gone again, but he's grateful. alex is important to him, for better or worse. ]

I appreciate that, brother.

[ maybe it's too much, maybe just because alex doesn't judge him doesn't mean they're still brothers, but he can't help the way he hopes. ]

Look, if you want the whole story, I'll give it to you. But I gotta warn you... [ he clicks his tongue before sitting up again and leaning forward. ] It ain't pretty. Or simple.

[ He lets out a breath that isn't quite a sigh, and takes a long few seconds to consider. ]

I'll listen, if you need to tell me. [ He decided finally. ] But that ain't my decision, Frank. Your past is your past. And whatever happened in it, it helped form the man you are now. I don't need to know.

[ A part of him wanted to, the same way he wished he knew what had happened to Amos, to make him the way he was. But a large part of the rest of him was pretty aware that story would break his heart, no matter what it was.

He had a feeling this story would, too. ]

[ the man he is now? is that a good thing? he blinks through a couple turns before deciding it's too long a pause, alex deserves the truth, even if he probably doesn't need every sordid, gory detail. ]

I was tasked with leading a secret black ops hit team in the Middle East. Thing is, thought we were taking out terrorists and thugs, so I shot 'em like dogs out there. Followin' orders, you see.

[ his lip curls in disgust. it might be similar to what alex felt seeing the hybrid for the first time, understanding what mars had loosed in the solar system. ]

Well, they weren't. They were husbands and fathers, like you and me. [ he puts his hands flat on the table to keep from rocking back and forth in his chair. it's too much for him, even now, but he goes on. ] My commanding officer and the piece of shit above him who put the whole operation together - well. He was the director of Covert Ops for the whole fucking country, wouldn't even tell us his name. That should've been our first clue, but when I turned out to be too good at my job and got every one of us back safe he was livid. Spittin' venom about how I didn't get his precious target. My CO almost lost his arm, we were outgunned and outmatched, so I did what any Marine would do. I broke his goddamn face.

And then I came home, Alex. We were gonna be a family again, Maria and me, my-my beautiful little girl, Lisa. Frank Jr. [ he didn't tell alex about his kids before now and it feels like a weight off, honestly. he bites his lip and looks down at the table between them. ] Never got the chance to find out if that was even in me before they took it all away. Tried to wipe us all off the map so I wouldn't find out their secrets but they were sloppy. I got back up. Their worst nightmare: personified.

[ he looks back up, eyes surprisingly soft for the hard statement he'd just dealt. frank takes a deep breath, trying not to think about if his family had lived he'd probably end up like alex. chasing war and getting farther and farther away from them, even if he couldn't go all the way to space like he did. that didn't matter, he could be a world away a room over, as maria had found out early on in their marriage. ]

Turns out? They were smuggling heroin back to the US, clearing billions in the bank on our blood, our lives. Men who gave up everything for God, country and the goddamn American flag. [ all he can do is shake his head, looking away again. ] So yeah, I hunted each one of those sick bastards down and I put a bullet in their brains, like they did to me. Only way I could get some peace. My friend - my friend David that I told you about, he. And this fed, Madani. They saved my life. When I didn't want to come back from it, they brought me back. And without them - without Karen too - I never would've unraveled the whole thing.

[ he knows it sounds like a crazy conspiracy spouted by a vet who snapped overseas, but if alex believes him... well. he doesn't have to. all he asks is to be given that chance. ]

[ It might have sounded like a crazy conspiracy, to someone else. To someone who hadn't lived through the protomolecule.

To someone who hadn't heard Bobbie's story, of Mars setting her up for a weapons test. Of letting her whole squad get killed for a demo.

So there's no disbelief in his face, just deep, painful recognition. ]

Frank.... [ His voice trails off. What the hell do you say, after something like that? There's nothing he could possibly offer that wouldn't sound cheap. He swallowed, and then reached out, carefully putting his hand on the man's arm - no squeeze, just letting it rest there, solid. ]

Frank, I'm so sorry.

[ the understanding in alex's voice squirms its way under his skin and he realizes... he's not about to lose his friend. something like relief comes over him then, remembering what it was like seeing matt bleeding out in the hall short hours ago. thinking saving him would end his own life onboard, but that didn't matter. not when he probably owes daredevil so much more than matt even realizes. ]

If this whole story becomes common knowledge like it is back home... you don't have to defend me. In fact, don't even get involved. It's- well, everyone's got their own goddamn opinion about what I did there. About what kind of man I am. Everything from my face on t-shirts to people who'd burn down my house if I didn't already myself.

Honestly, Frank, I...

[ He let out a long, slow breath, trying to collect his thoughts. ]

Back home should be left back home. It don't help anyone to pull up our pasts, out here. We all got 'em. I ain't - I ain't comparin', but - -

I just think we should be focusin' on what we're doin'.

Not on whatever blood is on each other's hands.

[ He didn't even know how much blood was on Amos' hands. Didn't want to know. ]

It ain't like you did it for the thrill, right? You ain't about to hurt anyone here. [ He sounded confident, but he also wouldn't mind confirmation on that point. ]

That's why I didn't tell you. It's not because I don't trust you.

[ but he nods, agreeing they need to focus. he hadn't judged alex for leaving his family so he's not wholly wrong to compare either. ]

I've always had... a darkness inside me. Violence. I can't lie to you and say it was only about justice, I enjoyed it, seeing each and every one of those shitbags die.

But even before that, before my family? I wanted to hurt people. I was an angry kid with nowhere to put it, so I joined up. I trusted them to aim me in the right direction. And that was only my first mistake.

[ frank takes a deep breath and pushes it back out. ]

I'd never hurt you, or anyone here. I just want to get everybody home.

[ with that said... "I point, you shoot." ] I'd trust you to aim me. If it came to that. [ he's hoping it won't, but he needed to put it out there. he's a living weapon, not just a guy with a dad complex. alex should remember that if he ever needs real help. ]

Reverie: IC Inbox

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

do they even have fistbumps in the expanse