donkeyballs | Reverie: IC Inbox

stay there.

[Bobbie heads down as quickly as she can, spotting him easily enough. She joins him at the bar, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze as she does, her voice soft.]

Hey.

[ He's already a few cups in, when she gets there, and there's a very real sense of shame that comes with her finding him, but he hadn't moved. Hadn't attempted to disobey. He barely raises his eyes when they fall back to his glass. ]

Hey.

[It's a good thing he didn't leave—she's worried about him, and the concern is obvious in her voice.]

I'm so sorry, Alex.

[ The emotion chokes in his throat, and he can't reply for a few seconds, even if he knew how the hell to reply in the first place. Instead, his head sinks a little, and he stares down into his cup. ]

... Sorry, Gunny. Thought I'd - thought I'd hold up better than this.

[Bobbie lets out a breath, hand still on his shoulder.]

Hey, you don't have to hold up. Not after that.

Yeah, I do.

[ He slumps, the weight of his shoulder pressing into her hand. ]

We all knew we were... The likelihood of us bein' close - time wise or space wise... We always knew it wasn't gonna be...

I know.

[She rubs his shoulder gently.]

But it's different to know for sure.

... Yeah. [ Heavily. ]

Yeah, it is.

[ He looked like he wanted to say something more after that, but the words failed him, and instead he just looked miserable as he poured himself another drink. ]

[Yeah, that was pretty obvious. Bobbie studies him for a moment, waiting for him to spit it out, but he doesn't.]

What? You were going to say something.

I just - I still don't know for sure, right? It's just like this - extra proof to the worst but it ain't solid. 'Cause I already figured... I already figured this couldn't be our universe.

Hell, you and I are the only two on the whole damn rust bucket who have even been to Mars.

This can't be our universe anyway, right?

Clara and Wash said they'd seen Mars colonized, but their versions were... Different.

[Which she's still trying to wrap her head around.]

Maybe you're right. Maybe we're in a different reality altogether.

Or maybe this ain't a reality at all, we're just - all in a computer, or somethin'--

[ Thanks Clara. Thanks Daisy. But it's obvious he's just reaching for straws. ]

Is that what you're hoping for?

I don't know, Gunny. I just -

I know I ain't even gonna be there, you know? But that don't mean I never wanted to see them again, or - or talk to 'em again, or --

[ He swallowed, gripping his glass tightly. ]

I know.

[Bobbie sighs, letting her hand drop from his shoulder.]

We don't know how any of this works. There's still a chance you'll see them again.

[ His throat was tight and his eyes were hot but god dammit he was not gonna let this get the better of him. So he waited a few seconds until he knew his voice wasn't going to sound watery. ]

... At what point do we just... assume the worst? Because hell, I don't know how long I can keep just - half way grievin' and half way hopin'.

[That's... a fair question. It must be tearing him up, seesawing between the two.]

...I don't know.

[She can't give him an exact length of time, but it feels too early to her. They still don't even know how they got here.]

Let's grab Naomi later and head up to the command deck. Maybe we can figure something out, find some sort of clue. It might help.

[ And if they just gave up hope completely, it probably wouldn't help. It would just be another reason to give up caring if he got out of this, either. ]

... We can try. But I ain't... I ain't seen anythin' that's gonna help us, that way. No way to even tell where we are.

Figure our best bet is the hangar bay. If we can find a ship, there might be a map of the system, or - or somethin', anyway.

Then we'll get into the hanger bay and find you a ship. Maybe the Roci's there, too.

[ He was about to say 'damn, I hope so', when she said something very weird.

He frowned, blinking, and gave her a confused look. ]

The what?

[She stares back, clearly just as confused.]

The Rocinante?

[ u h . . . ?

Oh, wait, he's got this --]

That your ship?

[Oh, God. Dread settles in her chest.]

No, it's your ship. Holden's ship.

[Whatever.]

Corvette class, used to be the Tachi? You used it to escape the Donnager?

[She's looking for any flicker of recognition.]

[ He looks utterly baffled, but the bafflement starts turning into genuine worry. ]

Yeah, I remember escapin' the Donnager, but--

[ He went a little pale. ]

I, uh. I can't remember how. Or what on.

[Confusion shifts to genuine concern, and she studies him careful. Is this why he can't remember her, either? Are they all losing chunks of their memory?]

...What do you remember flying that whole time? What do you remember chasing Eros with?

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