donkeyballs | Reverie: IC Inbox

[ It's too long, the lag between the message being sent and the reply. It twisted horribly in his gut, the if I didn't know better. He'd asked for death. He got it. ]

That ain't somethin' you have to worry about from me, Gunny.

[ Because even if he was jealous, he was not going to let it impact her again. ]

[Something about this still feels off in a way she can't pinpoint. It's the gaps between replies and the odd answers.]

you sure you're okay, alex?

No, I'm pretty far from okay, but I think that's a given, at this point. If we ever get to sleep again, I'll feel better.

do you want me to come keep you company for a while?

[ He sighed, leaning his head back on the wall. He felt like a frayed wire, emotions all over the place and right at the surface. He knew he should say no. That his best bet of keeping his friendship with her in tact was just keepin' the hell away until he could maybe not act like a complete ass.

And yet. ]

I ain't gonna say no, if you're up for it.

i'm always up for it. where are you?

[ This was a bad god damned idea, Kamal. He looked around, but he was just in the middle of a hallway, sitting on the floor like an asshole. God damn it. ]

I'm headin' for the observation deck.

Figured if I had to listen to this god damn music I could at least pretend the stars were singin' it.

i'm in. see you in five.

[ He sighed, staring down at the comm on his wrist for several more seconds, before slowly pulling himself up. Don't Stop Believing started for the 8 millionth time and he sighed even harder. He dragged himself up on the floor - knocked his head against the bulkhead two times completely on purpose, just to kick himself, and then started up towards the Observation deck. He got there before she did, and found a place to sit, slumping down into it as if the gravity was four times as strong as it actually was. ]

[Bobbie finds him easily enough, and she's not entirely surprised to see him practically collapsed. She can't blame him, but that doesn't mean she's not worried. She sits down beside him, nudging her shoulder into his as she does.]

Earthers have shitty taste in music.

[ It's ridiculous, the way that her shoulder brushing his makes a weird sort of energy run right up his spine. If he didn't know better he'd say he felt high, with the way that his emotions were just all over the place. He bumps her back, though, a gentle elbow against hers. ]

They made some decent country, back in the day, but this ain't that, that's for sure. Some of it reminds me of Belter music, though. That one Highway to Hell song - swear I've heard it in a bar on Tycho before, but in Belter.

[She feels a rush of overwhelming fondness that catches her off guard, and she can't help but grin.]

You know you're a Mariner Valley stereotype, don't you?

[ He felt the heat rise to his face at the exact same time that the answering grin did. He couldn't help it. ]

And proud of.

[Bobbie laughs, bumping her shoulder into his more firmly this time.]

At this point, I'd take your music playing on loop just for a change of pace.

[ It was stupid, how pleased he felt, from that joke and that simple bump, enough that it made his heart skip a beat. Damn. Damn, damn, damn, he was neck fuckin' deep, wasn't he? ]

You'd learn to love it, I bet. [ He grinned. ] Or, hell, at this rate, maybe I'd learn to hate it. They could be playin' my favourite damn song and I'd probably still want to shove forks in my ears. [ He says that, and yet he ... looks way too happy, at the moment. So sue him. ]

Probably be easier to do the two-step to, though.

[Which maybe means she didn't mind that so much.]

[ The piercing fondness was so deep it hurt and he just smiled at her for a second before his hand reached out, entirely of its own volition, to find hers and give it a warm squeeze. ]

... Thanks, Gunny. Sorry that I'm a bit of an idjit.

[She tangles her fingers with his automatically, squeezing back. Maybe it's just that her emotions are all over the place, but there's a pleasant fluttering in her chest that she can't place. She's not sure how well she'd be handling all this without him here.]

It's okay. I'll put it down to sleep deprivation and shitty music this time.

[ The warmth spread through him instantly, and he suddenly had to start reminding himself that no matter what it felt like, the affection wasn't intended the way that his body so clearly wanted to read it. What he so clearly wanted it to be. She'd somehow ended up as his anchor, while he was here. His best and closest friend, sliding into his little family with an ease that leaned upon the fated. Which, he supposed, it kind of was - if they were friends in a future he didn't even remember. It was something literally fated, for him.

But they were friends. That was the important part. Good friends, best friends, and he knew he'd do anything in the universe for her, even just on that level. Had a pretty good feeling she'd do the same. But that was the level it was on. She'd never given any hint or indication that she felt anything more than that. No, more wasn't the word. Because even on the platonic level, she was still somehow closer to him than Talissa had ever been. Understood him better. Clicked better. Her friendship meant so much more to him than even his marriage had. The other twisted feelings he felt? They weren't more. They were just in a different direction.

The last thing in the world he wanted was to let anything ruin this.

Even his own feelings.

His smile turned a little forced, and he gave her hand another squeeze, and then let go, sliding his palm onto his knee instead and gripping it as if forcing his hands to behave. ]

It really is just about drivin' me mad. But still. I appreciate it. You holdin' up alright, otherwise?

[He pulls away, and she's surprised when she has to keep herself from reaching for his hand again. She's not touchy-feely, as a rule, but Alex upends all that. She draws more comfort and stability from being near him than she does from anyone else, even anyone back home, and she wonder when that happened. It's like it snuck up on her.

She shifts a bit, keeping her hand planted firmly on the floor between them.]

Spacing myself is sounding like a better and better bet, and if I hear that 'bye bye bye' song again, I might just do it.

[ He gives a soft snort, trying not to think about how her hand is still there where he left it, as his fingers curl into his jumpsuit on his knees. ]

If it's all the same, I'd really rather you didn't. [ He turned his head and offered a smile that was far too fond, despite himself. ] What am I 'sposed to do, if you go and do that?

[She grins back, giving him a noncommittal shrug.]

Find another marine to hang out with.

Gunny, there ain't another marine in this universe or any other like you.

[ He tried to make it sound like a joke, but it wasn't. His hand fidgetted in his jumpsuit again and then he gave up, unable to help it, as he reached out and laced their fingers together again. ]

So in the interests of keepin' me flyin', you're just gonna have to stick around.

[That gets her smile to soften, and taking his hand again is as easy as breathing. She has no idea how long it's been since she's slept, but just talking to him is making her feel content in a way no one else has managed.]

You'd be a hell of a pilot to lose. Guess you're stuck with me.

[ This is the part where you kiss her, his brain says, the voice absolutely out of nowhere. Well. Mostly out of no where. But it hadn't quite ever been so clear before. It's a hundred thousand times more clearer than anything else has been, the last few days - like the toll of a bell in the early morning - and it trips him up. He smiles at her, and there's a half second where he nearly leans in, before he forces himself to grind to a halt and turn his gaze back out to the stars.

He's in over his head and his heart won't stop racing and he needs to stop because he can't deal with the idea of losing her over this. But he doesn't pull his hand away again. (He can't.) He just squeezes it. ]

What a cryin' shame. [ He says instead, clearly joking, as his eyes track the unfamiliar constellations. As he squeezes her hand, and doesn't kiss her, despite every atom in his body screaming at him to do it. ]

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