donkeyballs | Reverie: IC Inbox

What was what about?

[ Yeah, he's going to play dumb as long as he can. ]

[He should know by now that this is a terrible strategy to use with her. She's too blunt for it.]

you know what i mean.
you getting pissed at kovacs.

[ It really is the worst strategy, and he sighs as soon as he sees her text, and leans back against the wall, sliding down to sit on the floor. He was really, really hoping his little outburst would just - never get brought up again. ]

I don't know, gunny.

I feel like I've got razor blades in my head, with this music. Like I'm ready to snap at any second. I felt like I wanted to punch him, and that just - it ain't me, you know? This whole thing's just getting too god damn deep into my head.

yeah, i get it. i've never seen you get upset that quickly.
what set you off?

[ Why did he get that upset, that quickly? Well, he knew but he didn't know why he couldn't just have let it go. Bobbie had every right to anything and anyone she wanted, and Alex's opinion on that was neither requested nor required. The reaction hadn't be a thoughtful one, it had been an instinctual one. The same kind of feeling he'd get if he thought about anyone trying to pilot the Roci.

He was jealous.

Which was a problem. And not one he was particularly proud of. So he kept typing things, erasing them, and tying them again. 'Alex Kamal is typing' appeared way too many times with too little sent to actually make any sense. It just took him too long to try to beat his feelings down into something more acceptable.]

I thought he was botherin' you. Didn't figure out that he wasn't until I was kind of committed and then I just got really damn annoyed for no good reason. Sorry Gunny. I shouldn't have said a damn thing.

[Yeah, that sounds... not quite right.]

usually you'd be just fine watching me tear him a new one if you thought he was bothering me.

Normally we ain't being forced to listen to terrible Earther music at ear-splittin' volumes, either.

I don't know, Gunny. You're right. Normally I'd be happy to watch you serve him his ass but that didn't look like what was happenin' anyway. I ain't any of my business and I should have kept my nose out of it.

what exactly do you think was happening?

I thought he was givin' you grief and unwanted attention. But you seemed fine, so I just misread it.

[ Someone please kill him. ]

no, i mean after that.

[ Christ, could someone please kill him? Just. Just kill him. And make it stick. ]

I don't know, Gunny, he was standing around naked the day he was born. More naked, maybe. I feel like no matter what was goin' on there it's probably none of my business.

jesus, alex.
you think my idea of foreplay is making guys strip in the middle of a hallway?

[ Just a little death? Just long enough to never have this conversation. ]

that's not

[ Typed that out a little too fast and sent it before he could delete it. Kill him? Kill him. ]

I ain't trying to make any assumptions or ideas on anythin'.

yeah, you are. that's exactly what you were doing.

And you know I wouldn't if I could have a single damn straight thought in my head.

I'm sorry.

it's okay. no harm done.
if i didn't know better i would have guessed you were jealous or something.

[ It's too long, the lag between the message being sent and the reply. It twisted horribly in his gut, the if I didn't know better. He'd asked for death. He got it. ]

That ain't somethin' you have to worry about from me, Gunny.

[ Because even if he was jealous, he was not going to let it impact her again. ]

[Something about this still feels off in a way she can't pinpoint. It's the gaps between replies and the odd answers.]

you sure you're okay, alex?

No, I'm pretty far from okay, but I think that's a given, at this point. If we ever get to sleep again, I'll feel better.

do you want me to come keep you company for a while?

[ He sighed, leaning his head back on the wall. He felt like a frayed wire, emotions all over the place and right at the surface. He knew he should say no. That his best bet of keeping his friendship with her in tact was just keepin' the hell away until he could maybe not act like a complete ass.

And yet. ]

I ain't gonna say no, if you're up for it.

i'm always up for it. where are you?

[ This was a bad god damned idea, Kamal. He looked around, but he was just in the middle of a hallway, sitting on the floor like an asshole. God damn it. ]

I'm headin' for the observation deck.

Figured if I had to listen to this god damn music I could at least pretend the stars were singin' it.

i'm in. see you in five.

[ He sighed, staring down at the comm on his wrist for several more seconds, before slowly pulling himself up. Don't Stop Believing started for the 8 millionth time and he sighed even harder. He dragged himself up on the floor - knocked his head against the bulkhead two times completely on purpose, just to kick himself, and then started up towards the Observation deck. He got there before she did, and found a place to sit, slumping down into it as if the gravity was four times as strong as it actually was. ]

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